Collections

Why does the mere fact of collecting things into boxes give so many of us a thrill? Is it the fact that we are organizing the stuff, junk, crap, treasure, heirlooms, etc? Or is it simply that we have the things in a compact spot for our eyes only? And why does the act of collecting this stuff, junk, crap, treasure, heirloom give us pleasure? My father collected junk, my grandfather collected junk, my Aunt Sally collected junk – I think I come by it along the branch of the proverbial apple tree. Of course, my collections are special. Magazines with beautiful, glossy pictures of rooms and gardens for which I could never live a life long enough or many enough to duplicate for myself. But definitely the nesting fantasies I feel when I look at these pages give me that sense of pleasure that I cannot describe. I collect shells and wine corks – shells because I can physically pick up and bring home with me a piece of the beach, any beach, where I feel so connected. Wine corks – for the silliness of it. I will NEVER make a trivet or craft from them – I just like to see them all in a basket. It’s amazing.

My china cabinet is full of collected stuff, junk, crap, treasure and heirloom as well. And when I open the door, it smells of pepper from when it used to sit in my grandmother’s house filled with her treasures. That smell brings a smile to my face every time I open the cabinet door – I think of my grandmother and her snow white hair, twinkley eye and Scottish brogue.

My attic is filled with plastic bins of collected stuff, junk, crap, treasure and heirloom too. An odd assortment of holiday decor, but most treasured are the things from my daughter’s childhood. I will never throw away that picture with the macaroni tree or the hand print made of pudding (bugs are long gone from both). Her collection of plastic horses that made up her world for so much of her childhood and fostered her imagination that has formed her into a fabulously talented, thinking young woman. Yes people, I attribute that collection to all of that!

Unfortunately for my daughter, friends and family, these collections of stuff, junk, crap, treasure and heirloom will stay with me until the end of my days. And when all of you go through it some day and laugh, cry and get angry, please remember all the collected stuff, junk, crap, treasure and heirloom all of you have in your nooks and crannies. But most especially, think of me and know the small pleasures my collections gave to me.

Be My Guest

If I could have a guest room like this, I would have a guest every weekend! Or I would be my own guest. I could have a nice cup of tea, a stack of magazines, some Diana Krall on the MP3 player and I would/could live in this little house!

Sniffing for words

I am suffering from writers block again.....this is worse than having the flu or a bad cold! I feel so disconnected when I am not writing. Help....is there an inhaler for writers block? If not, there should be.

Change and birthdays

I have been feeling quite nostalgic the past few days, more than likely due to my birthday cycling around again for this year. I miss my family and friends who are gone and for whom my birthday was important to besides myself. Most of all, I miss my mom on my birthday. I always felt that special connection and she was the first person who would call me on my birthday every year, no matter where I was or what she was doing. I think the connection to my mom on my birthday is a connection I will never have with anyone else in my life and one that is the most important in my life. I hope my own daughter feels the same way - I am pretty sure she does. I feel as though the older I get, the happier I get. I am glad I am where I am today. I have decided to make some major changes in my life - mainly to go along with my major changes in the past few months. I am on a roll....may as well roll with it. This is random writing - all over the place. That's okay though. I don't write for others, I write for myself.

Happy

I haven't been in this space in quite awhile...I have been trying to calm my life down, get back into a rythmn and figure out how to do it all in a week. I love love love my job and pinch myself every day to remind myself that it is real. I still get queasy when I read about unemployment in S.C. and how at a moment's notice, your life can change and you can be thrown into a washing machine drum of unemployment, rejection, panic, and helplessness. I see people who are smart, dedicated, ethical, loyal that are now trying to portray themselves to an employer who only knows them as one of 200+ applicants for a job that may not even be the best fit, but it would pay a salary so they can provide for the family. I am just a little panicky right now writing this because I remember how one person can change your life without you ever having control over the event at all.
I am so very happy and excited to be working with a group of people so dedicated to the good of my city and have met some awesome people on this new journey. I feel so confident, and so needed, and so very fortunate. I need to constantly remind myself I am worthy of the assignment, I am capable of the job, I am now doing more than just a job - I am living a whole new life wherein I can make a difference for years to come and bring this wonderful, spectaculoar city front and center to anyone who would contemplate moving here and being a part of us. You just cannot even imagine how wonderful this city is until you see it also behind the scenes and you look back and say, yes, this is why this city is so damn wonderful!

Transition shift

My transition has now shifted..I have gone from standing in the unemployment line, facing eviction, facing moving in with friends, not knowing whether I would ever find a job ever again, to someone who is employed again. And employed doing my dream job and loving every second of it. Now my transition is transitioning from what I have been doing for 30 years to something I always knew I could do, have always wanted to do, and finding my confidence and footing to do it. I have been so lucky to find a great group of people to work with and I am so excited about learning all these new things. I still feel panicky at night, alone, with my thoughts, remembering what my life was like a few weeks ago and I try to not go there. I need to focus on my new direction but when I do, I feel guilty about all the others still struggling to find their direction and not being in total control over their direction decisions. I hope for all of you out there, who are struggling to find employment so you can provide for families and for yourself, that your new direction is shown to you very soon and that you have the support of family and good friends as I did through my unemployment journey. You will need them.

Waiting is a virtue

If it isn't a virtue, it should be. You learn a lot while you wait. How many breaths you take in a minute; how badly you are in need of a manicure; how dirty your eyeglasses can get just by sitting on your face; when the last time it was you polished your shoes with actual shoe polish; how many teeth you have in your mouth; how many stitches are on the flap of your purse; how many boards are in the floor; how many lamps with lightbulbs are in your house; how many cobwebs are hanging from the molding.

GOOD KARMA TODAY

Today is the first day toward all that is good. I seek accomplishment. I want accomplishment. I am accomplished. I seek employment. I want employment. I am employed. I seek acceptance. I want acceptance. I am accepted. I seek balance. I want balance. I am balanced. I seek good things. I want good things. I have good things. I seek financial stability. I want financial stability. I have financial stability. I seek new perspectives. I want new perspectives. I have new perspectives. The power of attraction is in my favor today.

HAPPY INAUGURATION DAY

What a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drinking wine tonight; feeling better than I have in a long time; a reason to hope there is a future for me that I actually want, and not one that will just provide. My writing has taken a halt lately. I have writer's block and when I have writer's block, things go by the wayside. Dishes don't get washed; dusting does not get done; toilets don't get cleaned; trash doesn't go out; cats don't get attention; mail piles up on the kitchen table and books don't get read. Christmas decorations are piled up on the dining room table and quite possibly won't get put back into the attic until after Valentine's Day. Take-out will have to suffice and legs don't get shaved.......help, help. I just want to write again; find my way; find my footing; find my peace.

Transition in flux

Yesterday was a very strange day. I had my plan of transition in motion and then from out of nowhere, my whole situation changed and now instead of going straight into my new direction, I have been spun around with a blindfold over my eyes, and I am dizzy and disoriented. The dizzy feeling has gone away but I am still blindfolded. I think this means something but I don't know what. All I know is I finally got rid of my headache but now my stomach doesn't feel so good. More to come.

This is the first day of serious blogging. Nothing much to say other than nothing...wish I had something clever to say but I don't at this time. I am watching Twister, reading the new issues of Southern Living and B H & G and I am in my happy place. I am also trying to finish today's crossword puzzle in the newspaper but it is proving not so easy today. Why is it some days', the answers leap from my pen into the little boxes and other days, I can't figure out the answer to the opposite of NSW? LOL Well, that's just it I guess. Sometimes we are the bug, sometimes we are the windshield. Or something like that. I think good idea would be to blog my high and low for the day. My high for today was spending two hours in the local book store with a stack of books I could not afford to purchase but thoroughly enjoyed reading for free and the low would be the headache I have had for 24 hours now....stress. That's what transition does for me I suppose. More on my transition some other time.