The Nudge at My Shoulder

It began happening about three years ago.  It only happens when I am in a shallow slumber either coming out of a deep sleep or falling into one.  At first, I thought perhaps it was just my body relaxing and my tense muscles releasing to rest.  But for some reason, recently anyway, I don't think so.  I think it is someone who is no longer with me who is nudging me.  And it's just that....a nudge, a gentle push.  Not a tap, not a slap, not a painful catch.....it is definitely a nudge....each time the same amount of pressure, in the exact same place.....behind my left shoulder.  After it happens, I know someone is trying to communicate with me but I have no idea who or what the message is.  I have even tried to match it to a dream I may have had just prior to the nudge but actually, there has not ever been a dream that I could attach it to. When it happens, it has been a dreamless sleep or just falling off into sleep.

I find it peaceful.  I have never felt it to be threatening kind of thing. It's more of a message of sorts to say "I am here and I will always be here".  I choose to believe maybe all of my loved ones that I have lost in my life get to take turns nudging me.  I can just imagine the line waiting for their turn.

Our Pets Teach Us

Isn’t it funny how much we learn from our pets?  Without speaking, they teach us an incredible amount of shit about ourselves, about life.  They know us intimately and we them.  Yet we never speak …… Dobby taught me tolerance. She was a challenge from the minute we brought her home and continued to grate on my every nerve until literally, the day Fiona passed away.  She was so in the moment when that happened, and she was patient with me and knew not to ask me for anything except food.  Then one day, she jumped on my lap and I didn’t get annoyed with her and push her away. She knew it was time for me to focus on her and to let her comfort me and me, her – we became friends.  Despite her sometimes annoying habits and her needy ways, she taught me that it was okay for me to give in to her need for affection.  I don’t tend to be very good about that but she taught me.  I know I said no more pets but after last night, coming home to that empty house, gathering up toys, beds, bowls, litter box, blanket…..sleeping without that warm lump at my feet and no kitty to shoo off the bath mat when I stepped out of the shower this morning, I have decided a house is not a home without a kitty.  Not right now but soon most likely………