Home and Glad of It

I am reminded every once in awhile, why life is all about transition. And if one waits long enough, changes are inevitable and most changes are good. I have lamented now, for a year and a half, about how much I dislike my new home. I moved a year or so ago, from the most charming house, a house that I longed to own one day but lacked the funds and energy to purchase. And, it was never for sale. Unfortunately, being a casualty of the down turn in the economy and unemployment, I found myself plowing through my savings to keep a roof over my head and woke up one morning and told myself I had to stop the hemorraging of money out the front door. Reality was, the money was gone. I was in a dire situation and the wolf was biting my ankles. So I embarked on a journey but hoped it wouldn't take me too far away. I was extremely fortunate to find a place to live in my own neighborhood, costing me nearly 1/2 of what it was costing me in my environment of charm, and I would not have to push another lawnmower again! I enlisted the help of my famiends (family/friends), and in the dead of winter, literally with ice and snow on the ground, we moved all of my possessions and magazines, one street over into a very small, yet to be charming little space that I had found in my desparation to meet all of my criteria. My famiends were quite supportive, never saying I was making a huge mistake - the only negative remarks I remember were about my magazine collections! With everyone's help, I slowly transformed the tiny, dull, uninteresting, care worn space into a space I could think about coming home to every night. With paint, spackle and elbow grease, I made it my new charm. But I have not ever been truly happy in this place. The biggest reason being I never let myself be happy. Somehow, along my journey, I went from being happy to being unhappy, with myself at the wheel of my happiness journey! But I have decided that I am going to be happy in this new living space, if it kills me in the process. I must find happiness here or suffer the consequences of losing my permanent and only chance at happiness. Because, like we all know, we only have one chance at all of this and we don't blow it with the help of others. We blow it all on our own. There are changes happening in my life that are causing my life to groan and squeek, like an old wheel that has been stuck in the mud and is now moving forward. I have made the decision to start pushing that wheel out of the mud while the ground is dry and before the next downpour, and let it begin its roll toward something new. It is not without groaning and squeeking that I am rolling forward, but it is also with determination and a brighter outlook. And, most important, it is with a more positive attitude toward what lays beyond the horizon viewed from the hole my wheel has been stuck in. As you pass by the place where I now live, please look my way, and know that I am in my new environment of charm, making a new attempt at happiness. I am no longer hiding behind my closed door; I am no longer trying to make myself inconspicuous so that you would not think of me behind this door. Of course, and I don't have to even tell myself or you this, life is what you make of it - home is made up of people and memories and welcoming gestures. I am finally feeling as though I am home and I am looking for ways to rid myself of the sadness and looking forward to my new happiness. There are things I can do to give my new journey a boost - I can smudge the bad juju out; I can pour from a pitcher of water, all the other bad juju that may dodge the smudging. I am looking forward to turning on my light each and every day when I come through my front door and smile because I am home and glad of it!