I think I forgot something.
Or maybe, some things. Or,
perhaps what I am forgetting is myself and my truth. It has been quite a while since I wrote about
my feelings. I used to be a very regular
journal writer – writing down my feelings; my stories; my day to day
grind. That has not happened for a bit
and I am not really sure when it stopped.
But I need to pick it up again.
My feelings and my truths are unsettled and I think that is because they
are not currently living on that sweet page of paper, with the smell of fiber
and ink, and swirls, swooshes, curlicues, dots, and dashes. How can your thought be a great journal entry
without those basics?
I was in my dream space last night – a place I have not
been in awhile. Not sure why. If I have been there, I don’t remember recently, like
I remember last night. Someone was
trying to get my attention and speak to me. At first, I wasn’t aware….although
I was but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Somewhere during the dream journey,
there was the voice, the face, the feeling, the memory, the message. He was
smiling at me, touching my arm with that way of his; asking me how I was doing
and telling me he was sorry and that he was okay but missing everyone. I tried
to ask him about himself but he was in and out - but never letting go of my
arm, I was certain of that. My memory was talking to me; a snow storm and a
cold wind. Laughter and warmth in the middle of a snowy gale. All the time, he
was talking to me with his hand on my arm. It gave me such a feeling of peace
and calm and happiness. Pure
happiness. He was telling me to be purely
happy and to remember how that felt. And to try to remember happy without
remembering the sad too. I tried to speak to him but every time I did that I
was pulled back to somewhere else but always, he was there, close by. I woke up
very slowly…..or it seemed that way to me. I was warm under the blanket but my
arm was outside the blanket and it was cold from the air conditioner blowing.
And there was one warm spot on my arm just below my elbow that felt so
wonderful. It was just the right temperature and just …… right.
